Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 24, 2018: @Kelly, speak to her via telephone. After all this was a reflection on him as a male ! And with the rules I don't mind following the rules no matter how stupid I think they are but they NEVER let me ask why. Question: I feel like my parents do not trust me. My parents are annoying and overpowering horrible people. My mom didn't make the same mistakes as my grandma so the cycle didn't continue. That would have made me confident, today! Yes, overprotective parents are abusive parents although such parents present a "loving" faade. Answer: In families where there are 2 children or more, parents compare children. They're very emotionally and mentally abusive (They stopped the physical abuse once I reached 15). I 've enjoyed this reading, nos I'am 60 years old, I lived difficult times when I was a child, fue this, I could not to be married, now I feel that need father's Love, I feel better when older men give me his friendchip. But them telling me that everyday is enough to ruin my day. How should I react here? If you want to tell them how you feel but cant do it in a conversation, write it in a note. Please seek psychological help. It started with the lion share of chores. that saounds toxic. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. So it doesnt really even out when my parents point out my flaws. They are abusive & toxic. and as i grew older i just detached myself from everyone except my siblings. You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. You feel that whatever your sibling does for good or bad, you feel somehow that you are responsible for your sibling's actions when such isn't necessarily the case. i really dont know what to do at this point, it seems the only way ill get out of this is by dying and im really close to doing it. Who knows what happened to them to want do that to me when I was a kid, the adults I'm talking about. There is an old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. Instead, parents should encourage their children to develop a sense of independence and respect their authority at the same time. My parents never understand me they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! I'm pretty intelligent but can't do the school thing. So when I was growing up I never felt like I belonged. For those who are like me feeling depressed and helpless sometimes, you are not alone. Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. Im not really praised as much as my sister is. My mother was did all of this, and molested me. My uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc Where raised. You are precious to God. She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. My family puts me down and make me feel horrible to the point where I feel like killing myself. I can't even have a sleepover. He found a new wife.Aaand now i have a sister She is like 8 years younger than me.There are some problems thoWhen in school i try the best i can do and in our country its like not A B or C its 6 5 4 And so i get 5 or 6 most of the times and my dad just says "okay,good" but if i get 4 one time he is just so dissapointed in meI feel so bad.Even now thinking about it .Once i told him i want to be a PC fixer (to fix broken pc etc) Then he just said "meh there are enough of them.."Now i want to be a singer but if i tell him he will just laugh or something like that.He wants me to be like himliterally.Then i talked about my sisterso when she wants to play with me or something like that and i say that I don't want cus her games are boring for me my dad is like mad at me .. I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. No I don't! So marks for school always has to be 90% and up and nothing less. Please talk to a trusted relative. Question: Why do my parents always scold me about my scars when I'm trying my best to remove them? I'm 13 and 6'2", makes me feel way too self conscious, Press J to jump to the feed. She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. Just because a child does not have the same characteristics as their parents does not mean they are a failure that needs correcting. At least that what my family says. Didn't see them for long, found a better job elsewhere. I've never had money so I've never been able to take care of myself. Just makes me sick. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 20, 2018: Are you the oldest of a large/very large family? Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. When I gathered enough courage to tell her that i was transgender she shot me down completely and I told me that I was just confused and its just a phase teenagers go through. It's hurting my dignity. i also forgot to add i really badly wanted a phone im 14 and my cousins are younger then me and also there are some older then me i planned of what phone im going to get of coarse apple i told my mom and she said that she doesn't have enough money for it and then my cousin asked the one who is a year older then me she is getting him a phone on black friday last year my mom got phones for my aunt and one of my cousins, i remmember when my mom gets mad she tells me to die and that if i was dead it would be easier for the family and that she wouldn't have to constantly yell at me my mom says that im a disgracful peice of shit to this family, funny how all 10 describe my parents your typical asian parents also such a coincidence my mother was talking to my younger cousin over the phone she's i think 12 and im 14 and she's comparing her and my sister with me always telling my flaws to others and making a bad picture of me i feel humiliated and disgraced of myself i hate myself of who i am now i think of myself lowly now my self esteem is destroyed now no matter how much i talk back to that voice of negitivity i lose every time it proves to me that this is what I am a peice of shit and nothing more my mother never shows her love to me it was always my sister and my mother and father only care about my grades that is it i struggle with math and i stepped from a D to an B and then something happened between witch caused me to drop my grade down to a D again and they gave me a 2 hour lecture about how im nothing without my grades and that if i don't step up my grades they will send me to a hostel my hobby is art is shut down i live art and no one can stop me from doing what i love so lunch at school or secret art classes is the only time i get to do the thing i love, Amazing how all 10 describe my parent i guess that's just typical asian parent(chinese descent), all my school and university of my choice got shot down, all jobs,hobby, and things that i like to do,even if i tried taking over the family business like they themself WANTED all shot down, demanding a perfect girlfriend,all my female friend got shot down no one can stand my parent,and they demand grandkids,now i don't even want to marry or have children, i tried talking to my grandma and other relative that is "higher" in position than them,they talk to my parent,then they change for the better for about 1 week..after that they become worst than the last and how dare i talk about bad thing about them to the relative and shaming them, i tried bringing them to the psychologist,they got advice bla bla,same thing happen 1 week wonderful parent,after that they become worst and worst, i tried cutting off contact and they harping to all my relative and acquaintance of how ungrateful and bad children i am,if i really want to cut off from them i have to cut off from other family member and friend that i have or they will try to find out where i am from them and destroy my life again and again and again, oh and how super religious they are how active they are in church they are literally think themself as holyman that cannot do any wrong,smiting me for how evil i am but they are not looking at the mirror themself of how they think they are servant of god and how they really act,i even tried talking about their situation with the help of the bible i quote some verse and they smite me again about how dare i use the bible against them. I'm literally crying while writing this. they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! the only way I can get an 90% is if I get 100% on the exam and science is my worst subject but "my sister did IB so I should be able to succeed in academic because I am naturally smarter than her but she works harder". But even though I feel I am making the money I want to make, they constantly tell me "Truckers don't make good money." I now only see her so that I don't get cut from her will, but I'm emotionally divorced from her. That means they care about you. Mom keeps restricting me, nagging me if she doesn't satisfied with everything I did. I'm still just 14 but all of these things have been done to me and it's obviously messed with me a lot. I've tried reaching out to people for help. Are good grades more important than being nice? Often these kids do end up settling for ordinary and safe careers, much to their regret. Well, continuous harping about mistakes to a child is tantamount to abuse. It's a shame stupidity isn't painful. but whenever i talk to them about these thoughts, they insist it's because i havent eaten properly. No point having uncontrollable cannon arms. Please, help me. And when I said "can I ask why" the world may have just exploded. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. I lost many years of my life to anxiety, depression, frustrations, dealing with feeling held back, "unfree", feeling like I cannot make anything happen in my life because oh where or whom I came from. There are parents who feel that praise makes a child conceited. Last report card, I got a C in math. Such as overspending? A place to put self-posts for discussion, questions, or anything else you like. Putting money into savings for acting school or classes. If they aren't receptive, discuss the matter with a trusted relative. i got to grow up way faster that anyone, i didn't really experience being a child and as for putting people over family, for the longest of time I've felt like i didn't have a family. I hesitate to feel proud of myself ever because in scared that my parents won't look at it to be proud of. Help! The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. (I am seventy-four.). They believe individualities are flaws that need correction. Question: Do overprotective parents bring honesty or a lack of confidence in their children? I got to see them again after a month. Poor city, doctors flee from here. But I don't really know what to do now Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 19, 2018: Please seek counselling I implore you. Unless your child is incapacitated (heaven forbid), this is not okay. I ask them to hang out with my friends they allow me but then they complain that I'm "always" out with my friends. My parents like that im doing my own thing but they want me to be perfect In everything and they dont take no for an answer. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. :). I already told God and I know he's already helping me. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. Correction and discipline are not meant to demoralize children and to make them feel less than what they are. Things got progressively worse as years went by and I got siblings. Each day, I'm taking small steps in battling my own emotions and to constantly remind myself to live life to the fullest. Her love and support balance out the suffocating negativity coming from my father & help me believe in myself . Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and fall on your face. And all through that time, my parents and other family members tied to Grandma all thought I was taking advantage of her. Question: After not being able to date and having your critical narcissistic mother and kind/go-along father force your career, marrying a violent man, would you say my problems stem from low self-esteem? Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. These children often feel insignificant and totally unappreciated. Thank you for your constant support and engagement! My mom doesn't value creativity or musical talent, so I'm forever a disappointment. These people are firm believers that their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics, interests, and goals. She really really wanted an extremely smart kid. Part of the gym is a mental component, I don't think I'd be able to do this any other way. It's so frustrating and demoralizing. Any responsibilities they didn't want fell on me. I saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally .., sad. For them, the mantra is that their children are to obey and nothing else. Doing this will allow the child to develop competence and a positive sense of self. After the third meeting I was taken off all meds and off they went to wherever they go. Those who criticize their diametrically different children's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children's innermost psychological core. Went to Mazatlan every summer for about 1 month at least everyone of those 18 yrs. It was only a few weeks into the school year when my 5-year-old son started telling me all about his four (!) Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. Bad experience.. don't believe, then she retired. However, it does quite the opposite, and many such children feel worthless. It was a tough road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose her memory. They took possession of her Xbox, limiting how often she is on it all because they don't want her to get "addicted". That was embarrassing to me as what could I have done ?! My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. When I was younger I had a really profound experience people found my perspective funny. Question: My parents are forcing me to attend school in my country when I know its not going to work out for me. Dear Carol, She is a small minded, petty person-IGNORE her! Answer: Your father would be classified as an overprotective parent. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. 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